When I was
hired at INSP I was still wearing the sling on my shoulder, which made doing
some things difficult. My battle with depression was raging and almost every
day I felt like I was slipping deeper and deeper down. The guys in the band
were beginning to pour themselves into other things. I held onto a glimmer of
hope that one of the guys would call me up and say, “Hey man, let’s get back on
the road dude.” But that call
never came. We even played a few
dates that spring of 2000 that we had already contracted earlier. Even those didn’t feel right. It wasn’t “us against the
world” anymore. It was now just 4 guys on a stage playing some songs. It felt
so different that I honestly didn’t even know how to act. It felt as if the crowd could have
cared less if we were there and we even played as if we could care less.
I remember saying to myself “I feel like I don’t even know these guys up
here with me.” It was really over.
Another
issue I had concerning the demise of the band was my age. I was 37 years old and most of the
other members were in their early to mid 20’s. The future for me seemed very bleak. I had already
gotten a college degree, was married, had kids and started a career. Now it seemed a failure. Suddenly 13 years that I had poured my
blood, sweat, and tears into was now all wrapped up in a few CDs, mountains of
memories, and hundreds of photos. I began to doubt myself for calling it quits. I felt like a “has-been” that no one in the music world or
the world in general cared a rip about anymore.
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